Wednesday, March 4, 2015

are you fed up with defending your reading style?

This is inspired by a recent post titled A Rant, on a terrific tarot blog I follow, Teawoman Tarot. She shared a rant about how she's tired of defending her non-predictive, non-fortune-telling style of reading.

I can totally relate. This is how I felt a little more than a decade ago. I had created my own style of reading playing cards and shared it with the world through my website. And although most people seemed eager to find a new system to learn, I was also made aware that my system wasn't predictive enough.

Do you refuse to answer predictive questions?
I once felt that my techniques were inadequate in the face of predictive questions. How can I tell my client WHEN something will happen or IF it will happen at all? I fretted over this for a long time, wondering if I even wanted to answer these types of questions. After deciding that I did, I figured out how to answer every single flippin' question I had ever heard.

WHEN will I meet my soulmate?
WHERE will I meet my soulmate?
Can you give me a PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION of my future soulmate?
Where is the LOST OBJECT?
What will the WEATHER be like on my vacation?
HOW MUCH money will I get with the inheritance?
Does he LIKE ME?
How does he FEEL ABOUT me?
WHO is the person sabotaging me?
WHY has my life gone to hell?
 
Another thing I asked myself was WHY do people ask predictive questions. My conclusion is fear.  People ask predictive questions out of fear...fear of the future or their inability to control what might happen. What keeps fear at bay? Knowledge and information. That's the purpose of a predictive reading -- to help people control their fear by giving them some additional insight into their situation. I know for myself I occasionally go into fear mode and give myself a few predictive readings. After the reading, I feel calmer because I have some insight. It may not be new or positive insight and it may not come to pass, but I feel like I know more than I did and this helps calm my fears. If you consider all predictive questions as fear questions, it may give you a new perspective on them and how to perform the reading.

Do you rephrase yes no questions?
When people asked me yes/no questions, I would rephrase the question for them to make it more open-ended. I now believe you have to meet people where they are and answer the question as they asked it. The question itself carries their energy or vibration and once you change the question, it's not connected to them and where they are in that moment.

If you've done readings for any time at all, you will know that yes/no questions are the most frequent. I had to come to terms with the fact that there was nothing wrong with the questions. The problem was my confidence in answering them. One of my concerns was that yes/no questions aren't always black and white. There are maybes and gray areas. So, I created a system for answering yes/no questions where I can give a detailed answer that provides additional insight and a little advice too. If you're not using playing cards, there's also a great way to get yes/no answers with a visual oracle deck or tarot.

Rephrasing or, better yet, co-creating a question is a great idea for a second session or the second half of your first session. In the first reading with the client you've shown them what's going on. Next, you can suggest a different question so they can discover how to prepare for what's about to happen or ways they can solve a problem. 

Do you believe there are impossible questions? 
I've come to realize there are no impossible questions to answer. But sometimes, you have the wrong tool or the wrong system to adequately answer them.

If you wish to perform readings for others, your job is to give your clients what they want. Yes, you can refuse a service but if every client is asking you to answer a question you don't feel comfortable answering, then you need to regroup and get a new strategy. Be clear about the type of readings you provide. Demonstrate your reading style on your blog with a sample reading. If you feel you are inadequately prepared, then get prepared. Figure out how to use your current tools in new ways. Or get a new tool or integrate several tools (tarot, guidance cards, crystals, Lenormand, charm casting) for your readings.

Do you really want to read cards for others? When I pondered this question long and hard years ago, the answer was no. I didn't really want to read for others but I had a strong desire to teach. You can love divination but have no desire to read for anyone but yourself. Tell yourself that's okay. There are other options for sharing what you've learned with others, such as blogging, or teaching, or simply tweeting a card a day.

A final note....you don't have to defend your reading style to anyone! Since I've been back in the divination community after a long absence, I'm noticing a lot of debates and attacks on reading style. I don't remember this community being so malicious back in the day. Perhaps social media is bringing out the worst in us. Each person's reading style is simply a reflection of who they are. If you attack a person's reading style, you're attacking them personally. Let's stop this...it's so unproductive.

Figure out how you wish to use your divinatory gifts in a way that brings comfort and excitement and you will attract your perfect clients!

4 comments:

  1. When people come for readings they want predictions, hand holding, and maybe a little therapy. That is just the way it is. Since I am comfortable with all three desires of the client, maybe that makes me a good reader, or maybe not. Readers who kick and scream about client desires are just making themselves unnecessarily unhappy. There are other paths to take in life, and not everyone is cut out to be a reader. Perhaps many are called, but few are chosen.

    John Roberts

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  2. Well said, John, and I think those qualities do make you a good reader. Thanks for visiting and sharing your insights!!

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  3. "A final note....you don't have to defend your reading style to anyone!" AMEN!!!

    "Figure out how you wish to use your divinatory gifts in a way that brings comfort and excitement and you will attract your perfect clients!" I'LL DRINK TO THAT!!!

    Your perspectives apply to all types of insight work - thank you for this well articulated and enlightened post!

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    1. Thank you and thanks for visiting!

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